So guess where Tori & C were at 5 am christmas morning? The pix are HOT and they both maintain that they didn't see another soul until 5 minutes after they finished the shoot. I've been spending quite a bit of time doing Keen/Niteflirt calls and am thoroughly enjoying myself. Particularly this financial domination fetish. Sure I got gifts as a prodomme. I own a $2000 custom made David Menkes 5 piece leather outfit and yes I was flown to London to attend the Rubber Ball a few years ago. However, I have never before been given straight up gifts. There were always implications, insinuations, the slave that bought the leather for me stopped seeing me because I chose to go out with friends on a night that he said he "really needed me." And the trip to London was great, but I had to suffer through attempting to teach my client's girlfriend how to really dominate him, since even though they switched, he completely topped her from below. Today, in addition to the cash I earned from his phone calls, a client sent me a $50 Amazon gift certificate. I bought three items that were on my wishlist: the Audition dvd, Martin Gore's Counterfeit CD and a hot air popcorn popper. I am particularly pleased since at the time he sent me the gift certificate, I had not yet received a single gift this holiday season and was somewhat bummed about that. I have since collected an Elizabeth Arden Red Door Spa gift certificate and a bunch of Happy Bunny stuff. I LOVE HAPPY BUNNY!!!! I haven't gotten it yet, but I fully intend to purchase the item below: Is it perfect or what!?!?

So it seems that even though I am stuck in a record/bookstore for over a hundred hours a week, all of my interests are of the prurient variety. My boyfriend recently took some pix for a friend of ours who will soon be a SuicideGirl. She has "gone pink" which I guess means they'll be posting her nekkid pix very soon. Her name on that site is Tori, so check her out. They talk nearly everyday trying to figure out where to shoot her next set as the powers that be over there are sick of bedroom shots. They want something more creative, so current locations in the running include the subway (but she heard that's been done before) and they both independently came up with the Alice in Wonderland statue in Central Park

So I had a session last week. It was phenomenal. He was a client I picked up on keen.com, he is my best client from that site and to date I have earned $714.74 chatting with him while he pays $2.99/minute. Over the last few weeks he has gone on about what a heavy masochist and complete pain slut he is and after the day I had following my last post (laptop fell & the screen shattered, the shop flooded because the community access tenant upstairs can't flush a toilet properly) I had plenty of stress that I was looking forward to taking out on his ass. And so...I did. Afterward I walked something like 30 blocks in the cold feeling powerful and sexy. I'm sure it was a combination of my swagger, my shiny blow-job-red lips and the leather boots I was wearing, but more men checked me out during that stroll than have in the last three months. I am not particularly interested in what psychological defect I have that causes this chain of events (domme-work=immediate increase in projected selfworth/attractiveness) and as unhealthy as it may be, I'm glad it exists.

I have new daily reading: Belle de Jour diary of a london call girl. I guess having stuck my toes (literally, hehehe) back into the sex industry has sent me looking for other intelligent, still sane people who can actually separate their sex work from their real lives. It isn't that I haven't met a few at our dungeon, but they are rare. I stopped at the new studio tonight on my way to break into my old boss' apartment to feed her cats. The dungeon moved over 2 months ago, but I haven't done any sessions and have been lazy about checking it out. Misa was there doing a photo shoot, and it was terrific to see her. There are only 2 rooms up and running for now and I have an intense preference for the red room over the white. Of course there aren't any pix up yet on the web to show you, but I'm sure they'll be there eventually.

My week in review: Sunday night--deep stress and fear regarding pending visit with Dr. Zaroff for neuro-psych evaluation as recommended by one of our couples therapists due to excessive memory issues. I'd never experienced this fear of going to the doctor's office. I haven't had a root canal and my childhood dentist was a family friend. My first gyn exam was with a friendly middle-aged woman who was upset with her assistant for having had me disrobe before meeting her; after inserting the speculum, she had me sit up and handed me a mirror so I could "see what's going on down there." No doc related stress ever. But this time I was really scared that I was going to find out that I have a tumor, or brain eating bacteria or even that my brain had irrepairably atrophied from lack of use and that within months or years I'd be a drooling idiot. In short, scared. So Monday afternoon, C and I go in for the hour long preliminary interview, he leaves and I spend the next five hours arranging colored blocks, trying to recall grocery lists, filling in circles with #2 pencils and naming animals and colors. The results? I'm "of superior intelligence" with lower than average short memory/thought organization processes and once I start taking my effexor regularly and deal with the depression/mood swings/ADHD that have been present since I was 16, I'll be fine. Tell me something I didn't know when I walked in the door!"

For someone who works well over 100 hours a week, I am suddenly very busy outside the shop. Well, not really, I guess babysitting for a 5 month old, going to MORE movies and being paid to chat via keen isn't actually a social life, but it feels good. Tonight C and I made three sets of conflicting plans. The first was to see Gone With The Wind, but we thought that was tuesday. The second was the one i was actually interested in. Ben Lee playing a Jane Magazine party at Bloomingdales. But the third is the one we will actually attend, a documentary about Gary Wilson a possibly not even one hit wonder guy. He had this album in the 70s, but it seems to be a NYC rock culty thing, so of course we'll be there.

Went to see Gone With the Wind up at Loews 34th st for their classics @$5 last night, but it is playing thursday NOT tuesday. So instead we headed down to Union Square and saw Alien (the director's cut) followed by a "sneak into" Scary Movie 3. We already bought tickets to YOU THINK YOU REALLY KNOW ME: THE GARY WILSON STORY up at Lincoln Center for Thursday, so I guess I will remain a GWTW virgin.

I spent time in my bed last night for the first time since wednesday night. Thursday night I slept @ C's mom's apartment in Queens which we are finally packing up for storage, now that she's been gone a year and a half. The I worked until Saturday evening when I went to see NEW MODEL ARMY!!!. They haven't played the US in 10 years and I found out about the last show the day after it happened. Not only did I go to this show, I got in for free ('cuz I was on the list, yo!), but I went to the early and the late show!!!! Joy. Joy. Joy. Then I came back to work, until Sunday afternoon when it was time to head off to AMMI for the Tim Burton fest (let no one tell you that the Batman movies are worth seeing) followed by Kurosowa's Seven Samauri. It is 50 years old, over 3 hours long and undoubtably one of the best films I have ever seen.

Happy (belated) Birthday brain bleed! It seems I've been posting every now and again for over a full year. I really thought it had only been a few months. While I was officially NOT doing my work today, I found this interview with Adrian Tomine on bookslut. I haven't read Optic Nerve in years, but I remember giving away multiple copies of 32 stories because I felt my friends NEEDED to read it.

How sad and wrong is it to take advantage of the incredibly difficult housing situation in NYC? There are so many crimes to choose from! I charged two-thirds of my rent for a (maybe) 5x7 room in my railroad tenement that I cut through to use the toilet. At least my roommates over the years chose that particular indignity. Yesterday, my boyfriend and a friend, who has posted on craigslist for potential roommates for her oh-so-punk, exceedingly dingy Williamsburg place, decided to start videotaping the interviews. Surreptitiously, of course. But how entertaining does this whole little exercise become, when the bass player from a one-hit-wonder band shows up to check out the space and starts talking about the b-list celebs he hung out with the night before? And how he woke up sans cash & cellphone? hehehe, I'm so easily amused.

I set up a webcam at work! It was up for quite awhile before any of the staff even noticed. So glad they are an observant and responsible bunch! So it is actually not completely public, basically only you & I know the link [edited 1/15/04 to add: sorry kids, the link is no longer active, so I have removed it]. But for those of my friends who have been sending me the "I'm worried, are you still alive?" emails, now you can check in on me anytime you please.

My other current timewasting obsession is my listing on keen/niteflirt. Uh-oh I just put links to both of my jobs in one entry on my anonymous blog! Whatever, since I've only ever gotten 2 comments on the damn thing and all search engine inquiries that end up here are people actually looking for info on bleeding brains (not of the zombie variety), I'm not all that concerned. After all I'm obviously some attention/recgnition seeking loser anyway, right? Want to hear a little confession? I edited my bio page on the shop's site to include my whole name because I was dissatisfied with the results I got when I googled myself.

Wow, I just heard about something very sad. Elliot Smith killed himself. I just put on Needle in the Hay, his music never depressed me, I found it, just maybe vaguely hypnotizing. Excellent background/soundtrack music.

As per usual, I've been deeply neglectful in my blogging duties. I'm still going to OA meetings, but am somewhere deep in a relapse. Last night I bought a box of Entenmanns eclairs and started eating them on my walk home. But I actually did not log on to whine about my relationship with food. I was properly wasting time at work when I googled crayola for a listing of colors and at their site I discovered that you can order a-discontinued (retired) colors and b-a whole box of any color you want! How cool is that?!?! Just wanted to share.