This is just to say...

I'm not dead. The shop hasn't closed down (yet). I've just been actually working while at the store, and since both of My lovely macs are currently in residence at the shop...no notes for Brain Bleed for nearly two weeks! In that time I've been informed by TWO separate mental health facilities that, in essence, I'm just too fucked up for them to even attempt to counsel Me. First two times I have ever been entirely honest with a therapist and what happens...they tell me A-I have deep rooted problems requiring multiple sessions per week on a long term basis or facility B-I need to combine My talking therapy with medication with a singular psychiatrist who can "closely monitor" My progress.

Yes, I bought a vibrator off of a homeless man for a dollar

The shop buys, sells and trades new and used CDs, records, books, dvds and the like. So part of My job there is to look at the crap people bring by. Sometimes that means a chatty yuppie couple that are getting married and have decided it is time to dump off their duplicates, sometimes it is a relative of someone recently deceased trying to raise cash for funeral expenses by selling off the decedent's collection of Diana Ross 45's; but much more frequently it is the junkie pawning off the remnants of (hopefully) their own collection or the homeless men that troll the city's trash for treasure. The trash pickers find the most amazing stuff! I am a
bizarre bridge to these men who are completely on the edge of society. C has a reputation among them as cheap but fair and unlike many places they sell to, we always treat them respectfully. I think that goes a long way. I have nothing to gain by humiliating or being rude to a 50 year old homeless man. I will admit that the first time one greeted Me by name in another part of the city I was slightly weirded out. Talk about knowing people from all walks of life. Last night one of these guys who stops by at least twice a day brought out an assortment of junk/treasure along with the CDs he had found. Included were a sealed pack of minidisks (which I bought for C), a battery recharger, a pewter photo frame, a package of dry-erase markers and a Hard Throb “the Ultra Realistic Cock” Yes, I bought a vibrator off of a homeless man for a dollar. It was still in the box and if you check out the artwork, maybe you’ll understand why I thought it would be a good decoration for the shop. I planned to perhaps set it beside the Vickie and her Vibe, toy I bought a few weeks back. Well, I walked back into the shop with it and pulled it out of the box to tease (in a strictly nonsexual sense) the girl working at the door with it. As I pulled it from the box, I noticed the paperwork was still with it (who needs vibrator instructions anyway!) and as I was shoving it toward her I spied the first of several curly black hairs stuck to the shaft. It was used! And not even cleaned! UGH. As I mentioned it wasn’t as if I had even bought it for home, or even dungeon use, but I was still completely skeeved at the sight of origins unknown pubes.

Then he asked,"may i be your human toilet paper?"

Sorry I haven't been around so much lately, I am trying to be more responsible and productive at the shop. Also, I'm on a bit of a 12 step whirlwind and at a friend's suggestion have been attending SCA meetings. No, not the Society for Creative Anachronism, Sexual Compulsives Anonymous. I am as yet undecided as to whether I want or really need this fellowship. I meet 7 of the 14 "characteristics" of a sex addict (No, I'm not telling you which ones) and though I have found the meetings to be interesting and somewhat resonant, I have not formed a "plan" (A Sexual Recovery Plan is a predetermined way of expressing our sexuality consistent with our values, so that even when confused, we will have a written guideline to help us)or even committed myself to anything. I also feel relatively strongly that I am not interested in giving up working as a Pro-Domme or keeping this blog. I hope that does not become an issue.

I had a repeat call from a guy who is primarily looking for a full time live in DS situation. I have made clear that I am neither interested in or available for such an arrangement, which is perhaps why he continues to call. He is also into brown showers which I do not do but one of the stories he told Me when I asked about his experiences is way too entertaining not to share. A Mistress that indulged his fetish for shit on a regular basis often allowed him to watch Her poo on a toilet and while he mourned the passing of the turd into the sewers, She would reward him by taking the toilet paper that She had just wiped Her ass with and attatch it to his face just below his nose with tape. He told Me that sometimes it would be hours before She commanded him to remove it. When he requested again that I do an actual brown shower in session with him, I explained again that I do not do that, he then asked, "Well, would you allow me to be Your human toilet paper? After You shit I could lick Your asshole completely clean!" He was so excited by this prospect I couldn't help but laugh and lead him on. "Now slave, I hope you do realize what an incredible priviledge that would be. You would really really need to please Me for Me to even consider granting such an impudent request." Now truth be told, I enjoy a rimming just as much as the next girl, but that kind of direct sexual contact has no place in My work and certainly not following an unwiped poop.

One more aside as long as we are chatting about rim jobs...last week I went to my friend N's 30th birthday party and much later a small group of us ended up back at an apartment and we were drunkenly playing truth or dare. N asked the best truth question of one of the other guys I had ever heard, "Whose was the first asshole you licked?" I burst out laughing that he had already assumed that the guy even HAD licked another's ass. Turns out he hadn't.

Making Naughty Boys Cry...Again

So, I have this regular client that I do both phone and live sessions with. He is an intense masochist with a preference for whippy, stingy rattan canes. I would say he calls Me at least twice a week and after our regular chit chat catch up, we move into his scenario.

My voice becomes sweet, teasing, somewhat throatier and sometimes a bit singsongy.

"Tell Me, naughty boy, are you in need of punishment again?"

"Yes, Ma'am." he replies.

"I'm going to have to beat that naughty right out of you!"

"Is it going to really hurt?" his voice goes up in pitch practically to a whine.

"Yes, naughty boy, it will. The pain is going to be excruciating. And I will NOT stop until you are weeping and recanting your naughty naughty ways."

"Oh NO!" he exclaims. "Are you really gonna make me cry?"

"Most certainly naughty boy. In fact, once you begin crying, I'm going to laugh and hit you all the harder."

"Mistress, I'm scared. You are so cruel and so strict!"

"Yes naughty boy, I am."

Not so sexy...the record shop got a 3 day notice

Sorry I haven't been around much the last few days. HIGH stress at the record shop. As of Feb 1st we will be four months behind on the rent and yesterday afternoon we received the dreaded three-day-notice. I love the shop so much. It has been open 24 hours a day for 8 years straight, it truly is an institution. I had planned to not mention which store I worked at here on the blog to avoid stalkers and the like, but whatever, I do NOT do sessions in the shop and if you really have the need to see Me in My natural environment, I assure you it will be dissappointing. Since the future feels pretty bleak right now and there is a frighteningly real chance that the shop may close, maybe you need or want something we've got...Accidental CDs, Records, Tapes and Books. The world's (as far as we know) ONLY 24 hour record shop! Current items generating much attention from the drunk masses on Avenue A are the KISS-opoly game

and the t-shirt showing George Bush dressed like Tupac with the caption: Only God Can Judge Me THUG LIFE. (once the battery recharges on My digital camera I'll post a pic).

On a brighter note, I've been offered relatively free reign of a tiny but well-equipped dungeon in midtown. It is the private play-space of a regular client of Mine. As he says, it is "woefully underused" so, I am now playing in both midtown and Soho! It was formerly an independent Domme's dungeon and when She left town, he took over the lease and kept it intact. I spent some time there recently without him, just to familiarize Myself with what toys were there and the layout. Honestly, I find it pretty exciting.

Let's go shopping!

I had two fun calls on my way to the shop this morning. Both are regular callers, but with very different scenes. "Krissy" is somewhere in the midwest and very much desires strict guidance toward becoming a crossdresser. "She" has called Me at least half a dozen times constantly working up the nerve to buy a sexy outfit to wear. We've gotten as far panties and stockings; but perhaps this evening Krissy will finally get out of the car parked in the mall lot and go into the shops. The plan is for Me to accompany Krissy on the shopping spree via cell phone. I will direct her to find a short slutty skirt and a tight shirt. I think heels are an absolute necessity, but I don't know what size range they'll have available. This client is both entertaining and exciting for Me because I really believe that this task will be a struggle for krissy, but ultimately very rewarding.

I tend not to do actual domination via the phone. What's the point? How am I to know if he is kneeling or not touching himself? With men who actually play, it becomes more of a pre-session consultation. Tell Me about your interests and experiences and I'll tell you a bit about Mine. Many times it becomes something of what I imagine a regular phone sex call is like, but instead of describing vanilla sex acts, I will use descriptions of an intense caning or the transformation of crossdressing as foreplay.

Multiple people have suggested that I use a pseudonym. Along with comments like, "What if your clients google you?" I'm not worried about it. I rarely have anything negative to say about my clients and if/when I do, I don't tend to hesitate to share my displeasure with them. Honestly, I love my clients. The best way to describe it is that I do believe that submission is a gift and I admire the courage these men have to live out their fantasies. Hell, I know and understand them intimately in a way that most of their wives/girlfriends and best friends don't even know them! After a good session my mood is fantastic and on the rare occaision a session goes poorly, I take it personally.

I have only once felt that hatred and disrespect that is commonly felt by sex workers toward their clients. He was a regular phone client at the time and I earned sometimes as much as a grand a week from him when his wife was out of town. One night we were in the middle of a multiple girl scene when his young daughter knocked on his bedroom door. He had us hold while she came in the room. She was sick, I can't even remember what she had, probably some basic little kid illness like a cold or tummy-ache, but what she wanted at that moment was her father's attention and instead of giving it to her, he got back on the phone with us and spent at least another 45 minutes in his fantasy while she knocked on the door every 10 to 15 minutes. His calls were often 3 or 4 hours long, so it wasn't like we had just begun. I suppose it is one of my few regrets that I completed the call rather than dropping out of character and telling him to get his fucking priorities in order. Of course I know you can't tell anyone how to raise their children or pets and that my intense reaction was probably tied up in daddy issues of my own.

So, if I had more time, I would tell you all about the terrific foot session I did yesterday evening with a sweet HOT Brazilian guy over at Arena. Alas, I do not so instead I offer you a link pilfered from Dana about a new porn mag: Sweet Action Here's how they describe their mag:

Sweet Action is a porn magazine for women who love men. It features pornography in a non-stereotypical way, providing a forum for women that, in our opinion, currently does not exist. Sweet Action wants to eliminate the notion that women are physically more visually stimulating than men, and that women don't want to see naked men.

We hope to focus on REAL men with REAL personalities, fantasies, and bodies. You won't see oversculpted, shaved, "fluid-drenched studs". You WILL see hot, sweet cuties who look more like "the guy next door". Don't be shy because there will be some full frontal nudity (oh MY!)

Today’s Sweet Action sexy guy is the one sitting across from you on the subway who is so hot you can’t even look at him... He's the guy at work who makes you laugh so hard that you can’t wait to get to work everyday... He's the one you want to get to know but are too shy to approach. They are all Sweet Action guys -- the regular, beautiful ones all around us. Best of all, Sweet Action guys love us.

Maybe I've been reading Taking Dictation (the office sex blog) too much. I had a little bit of a freaky clash of worlds today. I allowed a slave to deliver a gift to Me at the record shop. We had agreed beforehand that there would be no public humiliation and that subltety and discretion was key for both of us. He bought Me a very hot pair of fire-engine red ankled strapped and open toed stilettos. They look like these but are RED:

I love them and can't wait to wear them. I'm going to need to get a red pedicure to complement them. He also brought Me new (warm and dry!) socks as this completely shitty weather had soaked right through My sneakers and socks. He also bought sushi for My dinner. All in all a lovely little encounter. He wore a collar under his scarf and silky black panties with a pvc garter and stockings beneath his regular clothes. He carefully shifted his clothing around to show Me that he had obeyed My clothing requests. He was very excited about meeting Me and bizarrely enough I found Myself nervous. We got along terrifically on the phone, how would our chemistry be in person? It went well, and I think we were both pleased with the outcome. Also of note is the experience of meeting with a submissive as a Domme while not in full on D-I-V-A state. I was at the shop, wearing no makeup with jeans and sneakers. For some, the fantasy of Me as unattainable, uber-bitch or perfect woman is compromised by the idea and certainly the reality of seeing Me in street clothes. Do they really believe that every Domme totters around in corsets and 6-inch heels all day? For others, it is infinitely MORE exciting to know that the totally "normal" looking woman knows Her way around a whip. I've only ever done one session where I went straight from the street into the dungeon wearing the same clothes. I was wearing a brown velvet swing dress with long sleeves and a mock turtleneck. It was so long ago I can't recall the actual scenario but I had seen the client several times before and whatever his scene was, it didn't matter what I was wearing.

Finally convinced my computer to allow me to listen to the kexp stream again. The station is out of Seattle and I was cordially introduced to it last winter by my friend and former co-worker R, when we worked the overnight together. I admit that last year I developed a minor crush on the morning dj, aptly named Johninthemorning. Obviously I am not alone as he has attained cult-like status among his fans. They (we?) are called The Morning Faithful. He has great taste in music and was always friendly during our email correspondance while I played the usual geeky game of trying to appear cool by making obscure requests. C hated him and cut on his on-air skills all the time. I suspect he was a touch jealous. C & I both have college radio background and I do have a history of picking up radio djs by calling into their shows. I was a founding member of 88.9FM WHIP (and no, I actually had nothing to do with choosing the call letters!) and C was station manager at 87.9FM WBMB for close to a decade during the eighties when college radio was "relevant." Over the last two days JITM has been playing amazing covers. I began thinking about my favorite cover tunes and will actually compile the list for you here, in no particular order:

Gary Jules--Mad World (Tears For Fears)
Cake--I Will Survive (Gloria Gaynor)
Johnny Cash--Hurt (NIN)
Ryan Adams--Wonderwall (Oasis)
Ben Lee--Anything, Anything (Dramarama)
Polysics--My Sharona (The Knack)
Depeche Mode--Route 66 (Bobby Troupe)
Revolting Cocks--Do Ya Think I'm Sexy? (Rod Stewart)
The Langley School Music Project--Innocence and Despair (the whole album):

1. Venus and Mars/Rock Show (Paul McCartney & Wings)
2. Good Vibrations (The Beach Boys)
3. God Only Knows (The Beach Boys)
4. Space Oddity (David Bowie)
5. The Long and Winding Road (The Beatles)
6. Band On The Run (Paul McCartney & Wings)
7. In My Room (The Beach Boys)
8. I'm Into Something Good (Earl-Jean/Herman's Hermits)
9. Saturday Night (Bay City Rollers)
10. I Get Around (The Beach Boys)
11. Mandy (Barry Manilow)
12. Help Me, Rhonda (The Beach Boys)
13. Desperado (The Eagles)
14. You're So Good To Me (The Beach Boys)
15. Sweet Caroline (Neil Diamond)
16. To Know Him Is To Love Him (Teddy Bears)
17. Rhiannon (Fleetwood Mac)
18. Wildfire (Michael Martin Murphy)
19. Calling Occupants of Interplanetary Craft (The Recognized Anthem of World Contact Day) (Klaatu/The Carpenters)

Jaymz Bee & the Deep Lounge Coalition--Sub Urban (is it lame of me not to narrow it down and claim another whole album?) You need to understand that we are talking about r&b, rap and reggae done as lounge. There's something very special about his cover of Shaggy's "It Wasn't Me."

I am fully aware that sampling a song is NOT covering it, but I think DJ Z-trip's mix of Midnight Oil's Beds Are Burning laid over Metallica's For Whom the Bell Tolls basically creates a whole new version of the song. This is MY list anyway so fuck y'all if you don't approve!


I realize that this list could get VERY long, so in the interest of getting SOMETHING done at the shop today, I will end here. However, I have an assignment for you...what's your favorite cover? I know at least a few people read this blog everyday, but no one ever comments! I'm lonely, it is time for a little audience participation!

Due to inquiries from my staff at the shop with local junkies about scoring some oxy, I decided to do a little research. I found oxykills.com. Once you get there, scroll down for the good stuff, like this:

What are the street names for OXYCONTIN? OXY, OXY's, OXIES, OXYCOTTON, OC's, KILLERS, OCEANS, O's, OXYCOFFINS, HILLBILLY HEROIN

The site is from a woman whose son ODed on a combo of Xanax, oxy & alcohol. But my fun fact of the day is that 5mg of OxyContin is equivalent to 1 whole Percocet, so a single 80mg oxy pill (a commonly prescribed stength) is equivalent to 16 PERCOCETS!!! Even I know that is some intense painkiller use and since it is common to take vicodan/valium/percocets along with liquor or beer, if these kids do the same thing with oxy, at least according to this site, they will die. Holy Shit! If nothing else this whole little episode made me feel old. I'm only 28, but pretty removed from the party/street drug circuit. I'd never even heard of OxyContin, much less knew it was available on the street.

I forget all the proper bloggy terms for garnishing my blog with a link I found at another blog, but this was too good not to share and if I fucked up any of the ettiquiette, sorry! via Dana, Smitten tells us i learned it by watching you! Or, factors to consider when shopping for adult entertainment in pairs: