I forget how much of sadist I really am

The "guilty pleasures" playlist on my itunes continues to grow. The latest addition is that 50 Cent song that I know immediately revokes my indie rocker, punk and goth membership cards simultaneously. Can I get redeemed by how utterly psyched I am to see NEW MODEL ARMY tonight?

I chose the mafia scenario for last night's session with jimmybob. He was impressed by how I had taken his sketch and made it my own: a-I told Mistress Denise was not available, but that she had asked me, Octavia to take her place, b-I told him I could give fuck all about the feds, I was a fan and had followed his career for some time now, c-what I really wanted was to be the first made woman, that he would be both my first family kill and his position was the one I would take. He was wonderful. Not only was our roleplay phenomenal as always, but I really tortured him. He took much more pain than I ever imagined he would based on our previous play. I actually unintentionally went past a predefined limit of his by drawing blood from his left nipple. He handled it remarkably well. I liked his reactions to the metal clamps I placed everywhere, especially when I twisted and flicked them. But his writhing while I used the violet wand was sublime. He had never encountered one before and while I've given many men their first taste of electric play and they are always surprised when I put on the body attatchment and can shock them with my direct touch, he really reacted and took the stimulus beautifully.

I know a masochist who has not played in some time, he recently said to me that he missed it and really wanted to be hurt. Every now and again I forget how much of sadist I really am and how much I love to give that pain. Do you know it? That incredible space where I know that the bottom is suffering, is in real pain and accepts this for me. It is probably ironic that I rarely play on my own time. If I enjoy it so much, why not just accept a personal sub and take his ass to town? Complex my friends, very fucking complex.