I've had several sessions recently that probably warrant posts, but I'm just not in a sexy story mood tonight. I fear I might be getting depressed again. It could just be a premenstrual thing or a caffeine & sugar high & low thing, but in the last two days my moods have swung so high and then relatively low. It is nowhere near debilitating (because I've been there and remember how that felt). It is just sad and somewhat empty. It may also be in reaction to the fact that I've recently done some very adult /take care of myself things and lest I allow myself to actually move forward, a few self-sabotaging moves are now in order, of course. But overthinker that I am, I'm aware of all of the above. Which leaves me on the deck of the beach house, friday night, one am, labor day weekend chainsmoking and trying to sort it all out.
In about two weeks it will be a full year since I left Craig. About a month ago, it was four years since my mother died. I still haven't gotten her gravestone erected. Obvious psychological block compounded by guilt. I turned 30 about four months ago. There are so many dumb little things that we make our personal landmarks in time. Lola (my french bulldog godchild) may be pregnant and one of the puppies may be marked for me. So in about two months I may have a french bulldog puppy. As if I were ready for that kind of responsibility!