Whirlwind weekend finally ends

An exceedingly busy weekend is coming to a close. Friday night I saw a smoking fetishist. I love to smoke, I truly do. There is something so hot about listening to a guy go on about how sexy I look while exhaling smoke. There is also something very fun about an improptu decadent dinner at 2am. Saturday was spent alternately amusing the awesome kids and doing webwork. I'm so proud, check out what I made:

Then late last night I joined two of my closest friends for Jack Daniels driven barhopping madness. I am exceedingly lucky & shocked that I did not wake up with the world's worst hang over.

Today's extravaganza was a surprise baby shower for my boss. We actually pulled it off. She had no clue. One of the things I was responsible for was cheese. Have you ever been to DiPalo's on Grand St? I spent over $80 but I walked out with nearly seven pounds of various absolutely incredible cheeses. When I walked in, told them how many people I was serving and that I knew pretty much nothing about cheese. The woman behind the counter began cracking open huge wheels and slicing a bite off for me from each. I think she fed me for half an hour. I learned so much, not that I retained any of it. Something about age, consistency and some other factor. I told the saleswoman, I just want everyone to say, "This cheese is awesome!" And guess what, they did.

My favorite roleplay afficianado has booked another appointment with me. Some mistresses are very sensitive about not being scripted. While I agree somewhat and would have no interest in a session where I was asked to memorize pages of dialogue, I do understand that sometimes particular keywords or phrases are important. jimmybob has submitted a set of 22 sketches for me to choose our next scenario from.

Take a look, tell me what you think and which you might choose. I have my eye on a couple.

1. Claude Duval is a middle-aged visiting professor from France who believes that young American women cannot resist his Gallic charm. He wants to take advantage of this situation, but seducing one of the silly, moon-eyed coeds in his 19th-century French poetry class would be too easy. He turns his attention to Judith, the enigmatic goth chick who sits by herself in the back of the classroom. Wrong choice, Claude!

2. Giorgio, a self-absorbed film director, assumes that the actresses trying out for the role of Maria in his lavish, surrealist remake of The Sound of Music will do anything to get the part. His plan backfires when TV bad girl Shannen Doherty mocks his clumsy “casting couch” tactics during her audition. Not only does she force Giorgio to give her the part, but also the authority to edit the script and redesign the costumes. As a result, the film is rated X, and Giorgio’s career is ruined. He is reduced to directing porn flicks in the Valley.

3. Noreen, the statuesque leader of a New York lesbian gang called the Iron Maidens, is annoyed that the male gangs rule the city and rake in the big money. She challenges Ralph, head of the notorious Y-Chromes, to a wrestling match, with the winner to take over the loser’s gang and turf. Ralph has the hots for Noreen, even though he knows she doesn’t swing his way. He is sure that once she has been with a real man, she will see the light. He accepts her challenge, assuming that he will triumph easily and have his way with her.

4. Cabot, a middle-aged Harvard alumnus who is a VP at a major New York publishing house, hires Lisa, a recent Bennington graduate, as an assistant editor. Cabot expects Lisa to bring him coffee every morning, assigns her to work with washed-up authors, pats her on the ass, refers to his Ivy League education at every opportunity, and dismisses her alma mater as “artsy-fartsy”. This condescending asshole deserves his comeuppance, and Lisa knows just how to deliver it.

5. Rebecca manages a jewelry store, and intimidates her employees, both psychologically and physically. They have learned, the hard way, to obey her without question. Wilbur, a newly hired auditor, discovers that Rebecca is embezzling thousands of dollars each month. Ignoring his colleagues’ warnings, he confronts her in her office, threatening to go public with the information. After an unexplained absence of a week, Wilbur reappears in a janitor’s uniform. His eyes glazed and his jaw slack, he recognizes no one, and cleans the store compulsively three times a day.

6. Mary Ann babysits every week for Bobby, age 10. One night she comes into his bedroom to tuck him in and discovers him doing something naughty to himself. Mary Ann threatens to tell Bobby’s parents unless he participates in some wicked games which she has devised.

7. Tony, a Mafia soldier, is nabbed during a drug bust. The FBI spends days interrogating him, trying in vain to get him to finger his superiors. Finally one of the agents contacts Mistress Denise, a dominatrix with whom he once had a session. She agrees to help the FBI when they offer to double her usual fee. After less than an hour in her dungeon, Tony abandons his omertà, and sings like a canary.

8. Lois Lane and Superman decide that it is time to take their relationship to a new level. During a night of torrid passion, Lois discovers that Superman is indeed vulnerable – and not just to kryptonite. She now controls the Man of Steel!

9. Marilyn tries on an expensive pair of mules in a shoe store. Noticing that the salesman, Harold, can’t keep his eyes off her feet, she tries to get the shoes for free by teasing and enticing him with her toes, feet, and legs. Driven to distraction, Harold checks that there are no other customers, locks the store, dims the lights, and offers Marilyn the mules in exchange for a foot job. She agrees, but as soon as he responds to her stroking, she starts to squeeze, stretch, and kick his genitals. In torment, Harold pleads with her to stop, but Marilyn just laughs and calls him a pervert and a wimp. She then forces him to worship her feet, and finally smothers him out. She takes the mules, plus all the money in his wallet and the cash register, and calls mall security to report a robbery at the shoe store.

10. Captain Kirk has a reputation as a ladies’ man, and makes a conquest on every inhabited planet which he visits. On Wrigley’s Pleasure Planet, Gwyth, a green-skinned Orion slave girl with long nails, catches his eye with her seductive dancing. Kirk has heard that Orion slave girls have skills that make them irresistible, and arranges for a private encounter with Gwyth. This time, however, he is the one conquered, as he discovers that irresistible actually means savage and sadistic. A few days later, a security detail from the Enterprise discovers the Captain in a seedy bar, weeping and drinking cheap Saurian brandy. When they return him to the ship, Dr. McCoy examines Kirk and determines that he is no longer fit for command.

11. Supermodel Melania Knauss is engaged to Donald Trump. A week before the wedding, his lawyers send her his famous “unbreakable” prenuptial agreement. Determined not to be discarded with just a few mill like Ivana and Marla, Melania invites the Donald to her apartment for drinks. When he arrives, she tears up the prenup and announces that she will be the one giving the orders in this marriage. When he laughs at her, she demonstrates a few moves she has learned in her kickboxing class, ties him up, and pulls out her box of special toys.

12. President Bill Clinton allows himself to be seduced by White House intern Monica Lewinsky. At first he tells himself that he is just indulging in a little oral sex, which is not real sex, but eventually he realizes that he is risking his career, public image, and marriage. When he tries to break off the affair, Monica freaks, and vows that if she can’t have the President, no one will. Having studied psychology in college, she spends her final hours in the Oval Office conditioning him to fear women and to become nauseous at the very thought of sex.

13. Mark and Susan are ambitious ad execs who dislike each other intensely. They are competing to head up a very big account, and their presentations tomorrow will determine who is chosen. Susan invites Mark to meet for coffee that evening, ostensibly to bury the hatchet. She gives him an address which turns out to be an abandoned warehouse. When he opens the door, he enters a dimly lit house of horrors presided over by a beautiful but terrifying witch. She combines spooky music, hypnosis, and pain to put Mark under her spell. The next day he comes to the presentation dressed like a bum, gibbering incoherently. Susan gets the account, and Mark gets the ax.

14. Tiffany is a finalist in the Miss America pageant. She notices that Jason, one of the three judges, looks bored and unimpressed during her talent performance: playing Dixie on the ocarina while standing on her head. Realizing that she might not win unless she can influence Jason’s vote, Tiffany slips him a note, suggesting that he come to her hotel room that evening to discuss the pageant. When he appears at the appointed time, Tiffany orders him to strip. Jason complies happily, admitting that he had hoped that he would get lucky. Responding “As if!”, she demonstrates another talent – torturing sensitive parts of the male anatomy - adding that this is just a taste of what he can expect if he votes against her. The next evening, two hours after Tiffany is crowned Miss America and all the participants have left, a janitor discovers a puddle of urine where Jason was sitting.

15. Anna Nicole Smith is a Houston stripper. Her favorite customer is J. Howard Marshall, a multi-millionaire 63 years her senior. He gives her expensive jewelry, pays for her implants, and eventually proposes to her. She may be a high school dropout, but Anna knows a major sugar daddy when she sees one, and agrees to marry him. She makes sure that Howard rewrites his will, cutting her in for a major share of the estate. She assumes that, given his age and health, a few nights in bed together will make her a wealthy widow. To her surprise, Howard manages to survive, so Anna changes her tactics. Perhaps his ticker will get more of a jolt from pain and humiliation than from pleasure.

16. Wendy, a popular high school cheerleader, sees no reason why she should have to do her boring old math homework if she can tease Albert, the class nerd, into doing it for her. At first he does her homework willingly, hoping to get somewhere with this hot babe. After a few weeks, however, Albert realizes that Wendy has no intention of going out with him or even letting him touch her. He decides to get even by making intentional errors on her take-home test. Little Miss Perfect is pissed off by her bad grade, and expresses her displeasure by practicing her cheerleading routines on Albert’s wimpy body. He recognizes bitterly that his academic talents are no match for Wendy’s physical and psychological dominance. He resigns himself to serving as her slave until they graduate.

17. Marc Antony, a Roman general, is infatuated with Cleopatra, the seductive queen of Egypt. For political reasons, however, he agrees to marry Octavia, the mild-mannered sister of his rival, Octavian. Despite his good intentions, Marc Antony cannot overcome his addiction to Cleopatra, and abandons his wife and young children to return to Egypt. Octavian offers to avenge his sister’s honor, but Octavia has no need for male assistance. She travels to Egypt, assassinates her rival, and shows her unfaithful husband that she is far more dangerous and exciting than Cleopatra ever was.

18. Macbeth, a Scottish lord, has been told by three witches that he will become King of Scotland. He relates this prediction to Lady Macbeth, who is excited by the prospect of becoming Queen, but disgusted with her husband’s reluctance to take the initiative. She insults his manhood and abuses him physically until he realizes that murdering Duncan, the current king, might be the lesser evil.

19. Catwoman dresses in a skin-tight vinyl suit and cracks a mean whip. Although she finds it amusing to strike terror in the male population of Gotham City, she wants to make a pile of money at the same time. She opens a dungeon called The Cat House, whose motto is “Unsafe, Insane, and Non-Consensual!” Batman notices that Catwoman’s clients all end up bankrupt and in therapy. Puzzled by this, he decides to break into The Cat House and investigate. Before the night is over, he reveals his secret identity to Catwoman, turns over his bank accounts and property, and becomes her slave.

20. Esther, Queen of Persia, realizes that she could appeal to her husband the King to defend her and all the Jews of the Empire against Haman, the egotistical vizier. But that would be no fun at all. Instead, Esther invites Haman to an intimate dinner in her private palace apartment. He accepts without hesitation, assuming that the Queen must fancy him, and that he can “fill in” for the King, as he does in so many other ways. After she welcomes him and plies him with food and drink, Esther informs Haman that she too is a Jew, and that he had better rescind his edict that all Jews must be killed. Unable to swallow his pride, he asserts that no one can stop him. Esther proceeds to show him how wrong he is. When she is finished, the only job for which Haman is qualified is court eunuch.

21. Sir John Falstaff is a rotund, boisterous, self-centered scoundrel and thief. He is currently short on cash, so he comes up with a plan to seduce married women in order to get at their husbands’ money. Mistress Ford, amused by his temerity, pretends to go along with him, but plans various punishments. The first time Falstaff visits her, he is forced to hide in a laundry basket when her husband approaches, and is eventually thrown into the river with the laundry. Undeterred, Falstaff returns to Mistress Ford's house a few days later. Once again they hear her husband coming, so she dresses Falstaff in women’s clothing to facilitate his escape. Despite this humiliating experience, Falstaff has not given up hope, so Mistress Ford asks him to meet her in a haunted forest in the dead of night. Disguised as an evil spirit, she tortures him with hot wax and things that pinch. Falstaff is so frightened that he swears off married women forever.

22. Charlie is a lieutenant on the NYPD vice squad. He has discovered how lucrative it can be to shake down pimps and madams to supplement his income. He decides to branch out into extorting money from BDSM dungeons, claiming that they are just fronts for prostitution. Mistress Athena gives him a thorough demonstration of what really happens in a dungeon. The next day, from his hospital bed, Charlie resigns from the force.

23. Mistress Penelope is a biology professor by day and a domme at night. She has been seeking a 24/7 slave, but none of her clients has demonstrated the absolute devotion and obedience which she requires. Raiding the local graveyard, she brings a recently buried male corpse back to her laboratory. Using her violet wand, she shocks him back to life. Since he is brain-damaged, she is easily able to control his behavior to indulge all her kinky desires.



I finished a 900 page novel with a wholly unsatisfying ending yesterday. The author saw fit to leave the main character's fate entirely up to the reader's imagination. While I can understand not spoonfeeding every last detail or tying everything into a tidy closing, this was inexcusable and rude! The experience left me cranky and restless. I tried starting another book, I put a movie on, but nothing was entertaining. I was woken up by an obscenely early call from one of my best friends whose entire deparment was deemed redundant and laid off without warning. I reminded her that both "all things happen for a reason" and that "when a door closes, a window opens" but even as I truly believe those things, they sound horrifically trite as I type them.

Sometime in the last week I misplaced my planner, which has already resulted in agreeing to be in more than one place at the same time twice and two entirely missed dinner engagements. I must get another today or my life may well fall off the rails entirely.

I am considering seeing a therapist again. A particular doc with ADD experience has been highly recommended. I hate starting with a new therapist! Trying to distill my entire history into the inital interview is so tiring. But what if this guy is the one who actually makes some progress with me? My whole life, as I've encountered various potentially traumatic experiences, I've always said, "I'll deal with it when I'm 30 and in therapy." Well, I'm not 30 yet, but I am frightfully close. I wonder if I even can just be entirely honest with a therapist and actually figure everything out. Of course, I would need to be entirely honest with myself first and I don't know how much of my daily coping mechanisms are based in tiny selfdelusions. Hold on boys and girls, we may be embarking on a seriously tumultuous ride. Providing of course, that I gather the necessary courage to book an appointment...


Rubber Cat Door Cunt Strikes Again!

Oops, did I totally forget to mention that Rubbercat is tonight? Guess who will be wearing mink and enforcing the dresscode? You know where to find me, feel free to arrive bearing diet pepsi & camel lights if you wanna make me smile.


Secret Powers

Recently a friend asked me what my "secret X-men power" was. He said that everyone had one, gave me a few examples, though I do not remember what his was. At first I was totally baffled, what could my secret power be??? In the interest of not letting the conversation lag too long, I said that I had an uncanny ability to give excellent cheer-you-up gifts. It isn't a skill that I particularly tried to enhance, but when a friend is down, I love arriving with a random thing that will bring a smile to their face. Past examples have included chocolate chip mint ice cream, caffeinated mints, those little gunpowder sparks things for throwing, a late night trip to Koreatown for a scrub and massage (no I am not referring to my recent post about that activity), cannolis, a plastic lizard, a My Little Pony... It is not so much about the expense of the gift as the total correctness of it for the particular person. In compiling the above list I noted that about half of my examples were food related. What do you expect? After all, I am going to be a Jewish Mother one day! I guess more than anything it is about being thoughful. Ironic, since I can be quite careless with the feelings of people that I, in fact, care deeply about. I am terrible about giving expected gifts, for birthdays & Xmas, I can be months late. I claim that it is about finding the absolute perfect gift, but I suspect it is more about procrastination. But give me less than an hour for a gift that is not weighted with meaning and is exclusively to make someone smile and I am right on it!

Ended up watching two movies tonight that I had somewhat avoided when they were popular. Like Water For Chocolate & Cider House Rules. Maybe it is just that I am a diehard sucker for romance, but I really enjoyed them both.


...the absence of romance or sex...

Merriam-Webster's dictionary marks the 2.b definition of "platonic" as the following: of, relating to, or being a relationship marked by the absence of romance or sex. Well I for one seem to be a pro. In the last 48 hours I have spent a significant amount of time with FIVE seperate men whom I count as friends who would not have sex with me. Not that I propositioned all of them, just two of them, the other three are a given. I suppose I should consider myself lucky that there are men in my life who enjoy my company and intellect without being carnally interested in me. Suprisingly (after my last experience with rejection) my ego has not been damaged in the least. If anything I think I might be flattered that these guys remain in my life without a sexual interest in me.

I'm back at the dungeon, sessions are happening, just not any of mine tonight. That's cool. I sorta enjoy being the phone girl sometimes. Feeling kinda fiesty tonight. Maybe that's just the three glasses of wine I had with dinner...but I think I might go out once I get out of here tonight...


Holy Mood Swing, Batman!

Who is to say what it is, but I am no longer feeling despondent. Maybe session? maybe getting laid? putting casual sex back in the correct context? having a productive day at work? another excellent workout? I do not know, but I feel great and that is what counts, right? Holy mood swing, batman! Not much to report, saw Sympathy For Mr. Vengance with Jeff & Nathan tonight, good enough but nowhere near as great as the last film I saw by that director.


Warning: the following post was written while wallowing in depression and self pity OR thinking like I'm 16 again.

At the risk of sounding like some gothy teenager, I am feeling the tendrils of depression creeping toward me. At least I noticed. The big question is whether to jump on effexor now, before it actually debilitates me or wait it out and see if I can battle it on my own this time. Though I thought I was still really happy and excited about my "new life" or the reclamation of my old one, I realize that I have been more and more irresponsible of late and not quite so buoyant. There are a few recent events that may have acted as triggers. Someone that I am required to deal with on a semiregular basis has attacked my character. The worst parts being that not only was it behind my back, but I really shouldn't know the details of the attack anyway, so there is no opportunity to defend myself. Add to that the absolute continuity of how this person has dealt with me in person, if I didn't know this person's true feelings about me, I honestly would never guess. So suddenly my ability to judge people is completely off kilter and I am essentially being lied to every time this person is friendly toward me. Oh yeah and then there's that rejection thing. I really would have thought I was finally past allowing my self-esteem to be affected by how attractive a guy finds me. Again, particularly since only yesterday I relived the statement I've made for years about how domming has influenced my self image, you must know it, I've said it a million times, there's really no coming back from the ego boost of a man paying over $200 an hour to kiss my feet. Yesterday afternoon I saw a repeat client who is a pure foot fetishist.

Regarding that whole boy situation, I feel like I was unintentionally thrust from my emotional cocoon, went soaring for a moment and then discovered that it was way too premature and that I didn't even have wings yet. Amazing to go through such upheaval over someone who isn't even interested. At first I thought I was grateful that I had discovered I could even consider being anything more than physically attracted to anyone. But I must admit, at this moment, I entirely regret the intimacy we shared. You know, crack the lock on pandora's box and all the sorrows pour out. Well then, where the fuck is hope?

I just reread this post thus far and I really do sound like my 16-year-old-overdramatic-self. Ugh. How lame am I right now?


a dumb blog thing that I couldn't resist

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)Extreme
Level 3 (Gluttonous)High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)Extreme
Level 7 (Violent)Extreme
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)Extreme
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)Very High

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

Drunk photobooth fun with Jeff


BDSM virginity, Breaking canes & the human ashtray

As to be expected, it is Sunday and I'm at the dungeon. I was here until practically 5 am last night. I think the play party went really well. The mistresses were hot as usual, but I particularly enjoyed the couples. I spent most of the night at the door, but escaped regularly for smoking and some brief play. Nothing terribly hardcore, but I do find some perverse satisfaction in taking a BDSM virginity. Poor guy, he had this delectable air of nervous mixed with excited and scared. I watched an ubersexy photo shoot for Leg Show get shot this afternoon. And this evening, I had the absolute pleasure of observing Mistress Emanuelle in session. She invited me in to witness the punishment she was inflicting on her naughty stepson who had been caught masturbating to dirty magazines. His ass and thighs were covered in welts, he begged and pleaded for us to stop. We didn't. Purrrrrrrr. I needed that. She actually broke four canes and a paddle while teaching him a lesson. I personally have never had the fun of caning someone as the tip flies off. Carrie mentioned it once, for an ad, something like "Summer School is now in session, the first lesson is standing still until the cane breaks." Have I mentioned that I adore having Emanuelle around? Sunday evenings have become so much fun!

It has been about a year since I last dismissed the human ashtray. He has been attempting to serve me for about a decade now. Every now and again I allow him to perform some task for me, then he manages to annoy me or piss me off and I dismiss him. He will leave me alone for awhile and then begin emailing me. Weekly, monthly. Begging permission to serve me. I guess I've left some indelible mark on his psyche. That, or he's such a slut he'll serve anyone he can. I once ignored him for five years before using him again. Today I allowed him to scrub the dungeon floors and scrape the wax from the mirrors. He also spent a few hours in the bathroom. I finally rewarded him by letting him eat my ashes and a cigarette butt. But he has done that for me many times. His very special treat tonight was that I allowed him to wash it down his throat with my piss. I hadn't gone in hours and there was quite a bit. I loved how he burped after swallowing the first two throatfulls.


Is the Blog Me Really Me?

Saw the new Miike flick today. Unfortunately I wasn't all that impressed. Barely sessioned at all this week. I'm feeling the need to get some of my sadistic urges out. I'll be at the Naughty Cupids Play Party over at Arena tomorrow night. Perhaps I'll find someone to play really hard with. It is a lame stereotype that dominatrixes just beat the living shit out of their clients. In truth, I do not see many very heavy masochists. And as I've stated before, it is 90% improv theater anyway. But I am a skilled domina and I want to play! Gotta get rid of this sexual frustration somehow [grin]. Anyway, if you read the blog, tell me so, I'll probably be nicer to you.

I've had several people tell me recently that they have read all the way through my archives and feel like they know me. I figured I should do the same and see what facets of myself are available for public consumption. While everything I've written was true at the moment, I am certainly not the person I was six months ago, much less 2 years ago. The twelve step stuff is kinda funny. I no longer subscribe to that philosophy. I didn't go to many sex addict meetings, and no I didn't pick anyone up ala Palahniuk either, and while I heard some resonant things there, I'm really ok with my attitude toward sex as well as my sexual behavior. I've never really suffered from guilt or regret in that area. I've got to go shower now, meeting Mr. Malice and Jeffie for drinks.

Post late night hot chocolate

This is the first time I have ever been tempted to remove a post, on the off chance that forementioned boy ends up reading the blog, it might be a bit disconcerting for him to find himself mentioned. But I just hung out with him and said pretty much what I posted below, so it isn't like he doesn't know. As I wasn't invited home with him, I do not think we will be pursuing anything physical, but that's cool, I still enjoyed his company. Not that I wouldn't do him again...but whatever. Maybe this is a domme thing or just a me thing, but I am so accustomed to men having such an intense desire for me, that having a guy NOT try to sleep with me is...disconcerting? Don't get me wrong, I'm not going for the idea that every man on the planet is madly in lust with me, just that if you spend enough time being the unattainable fantasy woman, it is kinda shocking when someone you actually do desire, doesn't seem to want you in that way. At least for me.



Have you ever deleted someone's number from your phone just so you wouldn't call them? Urgh. (that would be a guttural sound of frustration, just in case my translation was unclear) Oh, and if you noted that I didn't capitalize the "m" in "my", I've decided that I am over that pretentious affectation. So, I had a brief infatutation. Must be the ADD kicking in that it barely lasted a week, that or my self-respect. He seemed nice and interesting and all kinds of awesome, but I think now that nothing is meant to be between us. That's too bad, because I thought I really liked him, maybe even enough to consider dating or something. Something like what? I dunno, he was just the first guy I've encountered since I left C that I wanted to sleep next to. Getting laid is easy, finding someone who has a brain worth exploring is an entirely different proposition. At least I've realized that maybe I'm even open to that. Last week I would have said, "No way! I have no interest whatsoever in seeing anyone for a very long time!" But then I met this guy and was blown away at the prospect of...what? I don't know, something. Damn, it has been so long since I did any of this, I don't even know what the proper protocol is anyway. I've never been one for games, like you must wait however many days to call or whatever, but I've already made my move (as oblique as it may have been) and if he isn't calling or emailing me, it is time to let it go.


I know, I know, I'm making Myself ripe for stalkers again. But since I have so many friends who are too cool for friendster or myspace and what is a blog other than a personal bulletin board anyway?

Do you like violence? movies? fucked up Asians?
If you answered yes to all of the above, I've got movies for you to see!

There is currently a series of flicks playing up at Lincoln Center's Walter Reade Theater that I would like to see. I saw the first one last night, it was awesome, but woulda been better if I had anyone other than the ex to discuss it with.

SO...wanna go to the movies with me? if any of the following appeal to you, email or call me.

Here are the flicks I am going to see (whether any of you get your punk asses together to join me or not):

IZO (Did you see Audition (one of my all-time faves) or Ichi the Killer? same director, come with!)
Takashi Miike, Japan, 2004; 128m
Takashi Miike's new symphony of violence, IZO, featuring Takeshi Kitano, will not disappoint his fans. Izo is an angel of death traveling through Japanese history, leaving a trail of blood behind him. "While crisscrossing several centuries he slaughters thousands of victims on the road to deliverance built on the suffering of others. Positively outrageous even by Miike standards, it's a genuinely disturbing film and so packed with invention and ideas that you're constantly dazzled, exhilarated, and in the end, actually enlightened. And I haven't even mentioned the talking flowers or the howling singer-songwriter serving as Greek chorus." - Olaf Möller, Film Comment, Nov/Dec 04
Fri Feb 11: 1:30; Sat Feb 12: 4:15 & 8:30

SYMPATHY FOR MR. VENGEANCE / BOKSUNEUN NAUI GEOT (same director as the violent mindfuck I saw tonight)
Park Chan-wook, Korea, 2002; 129m
"Park Chan-wook's remarkable thriller SYMPATHY FOR MR. VENGEANCE was easily the highlight within the Korean program at Toronto International Film Festival 2002, a visually bold widescreen schlockfest that unfolds like a hardboiled Takeshi Miike fusion of Raymond Chandler and The Virgin Spring. As a wealthy industrialist hunts the cobalt-coiffed mute anarchist girlfriend responsible for his daughter's abduction, Park is given free rein to push the violence envelope, but the pervasive gore is alternated with scenes of true pathos. Almost comic in escalating brutality, SYMPATHY FOR MR. VENGEANCE is strangely affecting as an exploration of grief and suffering." - Travis Crawford, Film Comment, Nov/Dec 02
Sun Feb 13: 7; Fri Feb 18: 8:30

THE TWO ABOVE I AM ABSOLUTELY GOING TO SEE, thinking about these as well

Shinya Tsukamoto, Japan, 2004; 86m
Shinya Tsukamoto's latest film is at once one of his oddest, at least on a conceptual level, and perhaps his most nuanced. The seemingly omnipresent Tadanobu Asano (who could be doing virtually anything next - why not The Merchant of Venice? or a biography of Lincoln?) plays a young medical student who has lost the memory of his own name and past but none of his intellectual capacity. He remembers in stages: first, that he was in a car accident; second, that his girlfriend was in the car with him; third, that it's her body he's dissecting in class. Perhaps the only film you'll see this year in which pathology is offered as a form of therapy.
Thurs Feb 10: 6:15; Sat Feb 12: 6:45

Bong Joon-ho, Korea, 2003; 130m
"An unexpected hit in 2003, Bong Joon-ho's brutal, striking, and funny film is based on the real-life hunt for a small-town serial killer in the late 1980s. It's centered on the fierce yet absurd police investigation and the authorities' extraordinary failure to ensure public safety - in an era of pervasive surveillance and harsh police tactics in which the state seemed to be suspiciously watching everyone. MEMORIES OF MURDER is the last word on an era in which Koreans, caught in the grip of the Chun dictatorship, could do nothing but watch helplessly." - Kim Young-jin, Film Comment, Nov/Dec 04
Mon Feb 21: 7; Wed Feb 23: 1 & 9


The time to volunteer again has finally come

I just did something that I've been meaning to do again for over six years. I completed My application to volunteer at the Birch Family Camp again. The six sessions I spent at Birch were some of the most intense, humbling, wonderful, honest and rewarding times of My life. Birch is a sleepaway camp for kids with HIV and their families. It provides the kids with the opportunity to be just regular kids and respite and support for the parents. I can not put into words how this experience affected My life, other than to say that I am ashamed that it has taken Me so long to make time for it again. Anyone who knew Me back when I went to Birch regularly already knows how deeply I feel about My experiences there. Unfortunately, over the years I have lost touch with both the kids I fell in love with and the counselors I became friends with. I've filled out the application for this summer, if they will have Me again, I'm theirs.


Hungover, working out and playing in the darkroom

I woke up at 8am this morning with a pounding hangover, again and was possessed to write a nice long rant about how I never used to get hungover and managed to do so three times this week. Then My darling computer froze and those paragraphs are gone forever. I spent 14 hours at the dungeon on Sunday, drank a bottle of very nice Bordeaux with Emanuelle that a very sweet client brought for Me. Just one measly bottle of wine? Where'd the hangover come from? Well, when one drinks half a bottle of wine without eating anything all day first...

Anyway, I actually made it to the gym and saw The Trainer today. He is just so great. If I make it through the set of reps he gives Me, he tells Me how far I've come and that I'm lifting real weight and should be proud. If I DON'T make it through the set, he tells Me how fantastic I'm doing because I shouldn't be able to just ace anything he gives Me. So funny. He also keeps upping the weights without mentioning it. Sometimes I catch him and sometimes I don't. Some guy in the gym today was on the benchpress next to Me while I was doing olympic squats. A bit later when I walked past him he gave Me some kind of compliment on My squats. You would think I'd have laughed at him or ignored him, but I was so surprised, I actually said "Thanks." and meant it. Have no fear, I'm not morphing into some freaky gymrat, I'm just loving using My body this way.

Jeni & I went to photography class and printed our first contact sheets. I was so damn excited about the whole process. The two of us were totally gossiping during the developing process. I know it is a college class, but My sheer excitement at learning something new and of course sharing the whole experience with Jeni makes Me totally feel all high school about it. We went for our biweekly manicure/pedicure after class and My silver talons are properly in place again.


Death can be sad, but murder can be funny

I found out earlier today that Michael Prince has passed away. He was an integral person on the NY BDSM scene. I met him the very first night I set foot into Hellfire. He was the first man that I ever took a flogger to. The first person was a woman and earlier that same evening. I was utterly upfront about being a clueless novice, but she did not communicate with Me at all, and the scene ended poorly, with her allowing Me to wrap her continuously until her limit was reached and she stood up and angrily called Me off. Michael generously got up on the cross to give Me target practice. Ironically, moments after recalling the above, I was searching the old maxfisch boards for My contributions. I found the following post from Elle, My former partner in crime:
Mistress Octavia is beside me and reminiscing about the days when she was a novice and first set foot into Hellfire...

"Perhaps this is only because I was and am a Dominant Woman, but I was surprised by the sense of community and friendliness I encountered. I was open about the fact that I had no experience but was interested in learning; and one of the people I met that day is still a close friend and mentor. I stopped hanging out there awhile ago for various reasons; but the first time I swung a flogger (and wrapped the sub) and the first time what wrapping meant, where to safely flog and how important communication is, was all explained to me at Hellfire."

On a brighter note, I lounged about with a new friend and got to watch Battle Royale (which I've wanted to see for ages) and Fudoh (which I've seen before, but could anyone ever tire of watching a Japanese high school girl shoot darts from her pussy with deadly accuracy?). Uber-relaxing and probably just what I needed.


Drunk Photos & Poetry

I am finding life to be frighteningly thematic again. Finally saw Arakimentari, tonight. As expected I really enjoyed it. Between the photo shoots for adverts and class (have I mentioned on here that Jeni & I are taking an Intro to B&W Photography course?) I've spent quite a bit of time on both ends of the lens lately. Last night we got together, ostensibly to do our homework, but a friend was having a b-day gathering, so we went, knowing we would most likely get drunk. Both of us perhaps amused at the idea of doing homework drunk. We left her apartment about 8 pm and by the time we returned with a mohawked boy of Asian descent to model for us, it was past 5 am. I can't wait to see the shots, we had so much stupid fun shooting them! The assignment was to capture air. For both of us that immediately translated to a fuck of a lot of smoking shots. I tried some stuff with blowing out candles and her using a blowdryer. She took some very sexy cheesecake style shots of Me smoking.

It was 7:30 pm before I could actually get out of bed today, and even then I might not have if that flick wasn't closing today. After the film and before I met a recent friend for dinner, I just started walking downtown, listening to My ipod and appreciating the wet streets. I've noticed a change in My vision since we began the photography course. As if I am extra aware of details and somehow more absorbant of them. It is similar to how I felt when I was writing poetry regularly. It was a shift in My perception of the world. Whenever I had writer's block, it disappeared, but when I was ready to write, I felt as though My senses were heightened, the world was in sharper focus. I doubt I will ever write poetry again. I have no real desire to. However, I do think I will write again, just not sure what. I just went googling for the TS Eliot quote about poets using words to show their unique vision of the world around us. I've butchered it in the paraphrase, and I didn't dig it up, but I did find My all time favorite ee cummings poem. I haven't seen it in close to a decade and I first came across it before I could possibly have understood it. Rereading it now, I still find it sexy and original.
i like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite new a thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body. i like what it does,
i like its hows. i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones, and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like, slowly stroking the, shocking fuzz
of your electric fur, and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh . . . . And eyes big love-crumbs,

and possibly i like the thrill

of under me you so quite new