I'm feeling dissatisfied and incomplete. Of course everyone (or at least every 16 year old girl and 35 year old housewife) does. I'm afraid that the lack of time I spend on my art/self/anything not related to my significant other will cause me to lose it, whatever it is. Since this syndrome is boring and pathetic, I only feel worse about it. Damn it, if I have to suddenly have a late twenties crisis, couldn't it be in reference to something unsual and interesting? No, it can't and it isn't. Same old shit, feeling unloved and at the same time afraid that any "I" or "self" has been eclipsed by the "we" and maybe even the "he" of our relationship. There is some major breakdown between my synapses. We had a huge talk last night/this morning trying to hash this out. I hear everything as critical and as a personal attack. I am smarter than this. I know I can be introspective and perceptive and --tive my way out of this funk.
So the word of the day is typical. and maybe pretentious. What was I thinking when I named and described this blog? The brain bleed thing was probably an infantile idea about seepage and these entries just dribbling out of my mind and across the web. Snotty but possibly acceptable, however this french phrase that I learned in high school from reading Death, couldn't remember, got the spelling correctly from a google search and have NEVER even used in a sentence is really going too far.