Good News & Bad News

I finally did it. I joined a gym and worked out for the first time in a very long time. An old friend, who is a personal trainer, is training Me. It is exciting! I've never used a personal trainer on a regular basis and I really think that I can and will stick with it.

For the first time in many years I had a disappointing session. So many things went wrong. But really and clearly the primary issue was that My client would not let go and enjoy himself. His body was with Me (as evidenced by his erection throughout) but his mind was not. During our initial consultation I had spoken with him about his fantasies, boundaries and past experiences (he neglected to mention that he had cut all three of his previous sessions short or that he had a foot fetish).

Safe words are rarely used in My sessions. When they are, for Me, it is an opportunity to converse about whatever has happened that is unacceptable. Roles are immediately dropped and bondage removed. I ask My clients not to use a safe word lightly, but only when they have a physical or psychological need that must be dealt with immediately.

He mercy'd Me THREE separate times in under 45 minutes! Add to that his annoying habit of trying to top Me from below by saying things like, "slap my face right now Mistress." Ugh, it just sucked. The worst part was that if he had just relaxed, trusted Me and allowed Me to guide him through, I really believe we could have had a satisfying session. I attempted a post-session chat, as much for Me to figure out where and how I could have improved out time together, as to help him better articulate his needs, should he ever see a pro-domme again. What I discovered is that he hates himself for his desires and therefore cannot allow himself to enjoy them except as a fantasy. The reality of realizing them with another person in the room freaked him out. So sad, in My opinion. I've always said that I'm not particularly interested in why I enjoy playing as I do, I'd rather concentrate on the how. Poor guy is so hung up on his personal "why", that he can't allow himself to surrender and enjoy My "how".

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